So one night... recently I stayed awake for a little introspection. Tis good for the soul. You should try it sometimes. Tonight as I was skyping with my love Chuck-Dee I decided to post this as I listen to him strum beautiful chords in my ear. gnite my dear.
Tonight I lay awake battling myself
Tonight I searched through my soul
To pull out the broken pieces
That include the bullshit I’ve been told
Tonight I write off all the wrongs ever done to me
Tonight I change my mentality
I am no longer the broken battered tattered shard of a girl
Tonight I will decline the mind of my past
I will not let it return
Tonight I pray to God to free me
To unleash the beast
And by beast I mean the things wrapped in these sheets
The layers upon layers that I have surrounded myself with
Tonight I will shed my cocoon
Tonight I refuse to let the inventions of my mind consume my thoughts
Tonight I bring back all the things I have fought
For they have made me
They write my story
Only with history can you move forward into your future
Tonight the future is irrelevant
For my present is what’s significant
Tonight I reflect upon these scraps
Even though I`ve been ripped
You see excuses are just lies with skin on them
Tonight I realize that most of my pain I offered up voluntarily
All the times I let my already broken soul give itself away
Tonight I see that all the other nights I let you take a piece of me
Every single time. I will not blame you
Tonight I realize that I am here for me
Even when I have many supporters
Tonight I see the good times and the bad
Tonight I see where I was going
I am sitting in Park right now
Foot off the gas so I won’t stall.
Tonight I decide I want the sweeter things in life
By that I mean peace
Within myself of course.
Tonight I ponder on where I want to be
As I sit here on my knees quoting John 3:16
Tonight I acknowledge my complexity
Tonight I embrace my individuality
Tonight I want someone to help heal me.
Tonight I question whether the old and new me
Can reside in the same body in harmony
Tonight I cease being the caregiver
Tonight I will stop chasing perfection
Tonight I vow keeping the Lord as my compass
His word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
Tonight I look deep inside
Tonight I encourage introspection
Because only I know the answers to all my inquiries
As my analysis continues I suggest you do the same
You see tonight I start to decipher my legacy
Tonight I have declared my freedom
For tonight I choose to act
