craving the itis.

So yesterday I was asked through formspring what my perfect guy was.
Q: Describe the perfect guy for you.

A: one who: fears God. is confident about himself. knows what he wants. attractive in my eyes. has depth and can stimulate me mentally. physically and emotionally

^^ direct quote.

My friend told me "I went in" on what I wanted. But hey they asked me for my perfect guy. Many can spike my interest but how many can hold it.

This formspring thing got me thinking and i have raised my standards. Not doing it to be vain but no reason to waste time. life is short.

Truth be told i want someone that can give me the ITIS. Not your typical black people i`m full itis- let me go take a nap.

But the ITIS that Jesse Boykins III sings about.
side note: i`m so happy he has a video now. check it out



quote of the day

"sometimes you do what you have to do. Even when others don't agree or understand why, you don't have to answer to any one. Life is about experiences, not he say she say. Advice is helpful but imagine a life of being told what to do. Lack of voice and a mind of your own"

-- Chris Brown (fb friend)

Today i read this quote and i found it very profound. Occasionally I have been told I am selfish or hard-headed.I realize at the end of the day everything is my choice. Others aren`t held responsible if I do wrong, I AM. But at the end of the day I will do what I want to do. Because when it`s all over it`s just between me and GOD. So do what is right for you, listen to the advice (if you please), but you need to make the decision



hardest goodbye

4:08 am on Jan. 11th I said my hardest goodbyr
I let go the only guy from my past who would do anything and everything for me.
at the time we were together he went above and beyond to prove how he felt for me.
I cared about him alot as well
then he introduced the word LOVE
me and that word have never really been on friendly terms.

I did what I knew best I let him know my feelings weren't the same. I thought everything was over. But it wasn't for the past few months we kept in contact... More him than me... He still never let me forget how much he loves me.

tonight we got into an argument...
it escalated because I have feelings for someone else who is not him.
so many times I wished I could reciprocate his feelings because it would make my life sooo much easier... But I don't. I'm so scared that karma is going to come get at me for how I've hurt him...

tonight we decided to have a bare all. So I bore all and let him know the things I'd hidden from him, so I wouldn't hurt him.

ultimately I not only hurt him but infuriated him... I have no idea what will happen next but I wish him the best. I also hope that I will find someone else later in life that feels that way for me again... Plz karma I'm sooo sorry.

sometimes I wish my mind and heart would agree then my life would be much easier. Also I hope that hurting him, 3 hours of crying and all is worth it...

g'bye :(



Today I stepped foot in the walls of a church for the first time this year.
I had to say it was phenomenal. Nothing against Northern churches but there is something about a Southern church to just make my soul feel better.

Mt.Nebo, which is my first church, had their first Youth Wednesday Service tonight. Praise dances combined with the choir made me feel great.

The pastor's sermon topic was: "Age ain`t nothing but a number" He used the scripture 1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

Our age does not define when or how we can praise God. Just like there are little and big caskets, there are little and big people who are blessed. According to the bible our maturity is reflected in 3 different ways: Your word, your conversation, and pure motives (charity, spirit, faith, and purity).

As older people say 'Your word is your bond.' People judge you on your promises. If you make promises that you can`t keep you are immature. Those who are trustworthy are valued the most important in your life, they are also the people you go to for advice. Think about it.

As for conversation, your talk is your walk. What you do on the regular, your actions are how others will percieve you. When the pastor asked the youth how they think their maturity is reflected I answered, "your actions." I feel like from the scripture my answer fit conversation the most. If I was to judge someone on their maturity I would base it on what they say and do. Don`t you feel the same.

Pure motives: those who show charity and give back are blessed. It takes a level of maturity to give to others especially if you don`t have much to give. Spirit, faith, and purity are all obvious. Check out the scripture for yourself and see.

Now there is no excuse to do the right thing or praise God. This Aaliyah song can be applied to many different situations and circumstances but I must say that this is by far my favorite


song of the month.

beautiful bliss.

it`s my ringer and i listen to it everyday hoping that the person who texts may make me feel this way.

but trust i`m not fully depending on anyone because it`s my alarm. I wake up happy thanking God for another day to love myself and show love to others.

don`t turn down love or say fuck love.


afternoon cravings

I want poetry.
Mexican food.
thigh high boots
a couple hundred bucks
my books paid for
ohh and a boo ;]


my rainbow

You are my rainbow
You were orange when your fire lit my desire.
You were blue when I saw you clear as day and we related to one another
You were purple at the times when we were together and I felt your royalty
You were green not like envy because that's not your style but on days when trying to understand you made me sick.
You were red when passion was embarked in your mind and body.
You were yellow like caution warning signs that say "I follow my own rules"
You were beautiful as my rainbow.
But my pot of gold has run out.
You were a magnificent sight to see for that brief time.
Don't be afraid to poke your head out again
I may need to see you when it rains.
I know that you were temporarily mine because I felt as though you belonged to someone else.
Possibly your Mother Earth...