Tonight I

So one night... recently I stayed awake for a little introspection. Tis good for the soul. You should try it sometimes. Tonight as I was skyping with my love Chuck-Dee I decided to post this as I listen to him strum beautiful chords in my ear. gnite my dear.

Tonight I lay awake battling myself

Tonight I searched through my soul

To pull out the broken pieces

That include the bullshit I’ve been told

Tonight I write off all the wrongs ever done to me

Tonight I change my mentality

I am no longer the broken battered tattered shard of a girl

Tonight I will decline the mind of my past

I will not let it return

Tonight I pray to God to free me

To unleash the beast

And by beast I mean the things wrapped in these sheets

The layers upon layers that I have surrounded myself with

Tonight I will shed my cocoon

Tonight I refuse to let the inventions of my mind consume my thoughts

Tonight I bring back all the things I have fought

For they have made me

They write my story

Only with history can you move forward into your future

Tonight the future is irrelevant

For my present is what’s significant

Tonight I reflect upon these scraps

Even though I`ve been ripped

You see excuses are just lies with skin on them

Tonight I realize that most of my pain I offered up voluntarily

All the times I let my already broken soul give itself away

Tonight I see that all the other nights I let you take a piece of me

Every single time. I will not blame you

Tonight I realize that I am here for me

Even when I have many supporters

Tonight I see the good times and the bad

Tonight I see where I was going

I am sitting in Park right now

Foot off the gas so I won’t stall.

Tonight I decide I want the sweeter things in life

By that I mean peace

Within myself of course.

Tonight I ponder on where I want to be

As I sit here on my knees quoting John 3:16

Tonight I acknowledge my complexity

Tonight I embrace my individuality

Tonight I want someone to help heal me.

Tonight I question whether the old and new me

Can reside in the same body in harmony

Tonight I cease being the caregiver

Tonight I will stop chasing perfection

Tonight I vow keeping the Lord as my compass

His word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

Tonight I look deep inside

Tonight I encourage introspection

Because only I know the answers to all my inquiries

As my analysis continues I suggest you do the same

You see tonight I start to decipher my legacy

Tonight I have declared my freedom

For tonight I choose to act

touché for "Touch Subjects"

underappreciated.

I don't even know if underappreciated is a word. but it is today. I`ve had a few conversations recently that have led me to get upset with certain artists being underappreciated. I can`t even figure out why they don`t get as much credit as they deserve. I`m not going to shit on the whole music industry because that would be ridiculous. But here are a few artists that I think are not given as much credit as they should.

Trey Songz:

He's only been nominated for 3 awards!!!! so upsetting. His next album "Ready" comes out Sept 1st and I can`t wait.

Go download his latest mixtape: "Anticipation"

http://realtalkny.uproxx.com/2009/06/topic/topic/music/trey-songz-anticipation-mixtape/

Musiq Soulchild:

The guy whorunshiswordstogetherlikethis, I love him. Beautiful voice and his soul pours out when he sings. How can you not like him. His last album "Onmyradio" didn't get all of the hype it deserves. Go buy it or iTunes it. I guarantee you`ll love it. Along with his single Sobeautiful check out Deserveumore. he deserves more than a BETaward.

deserveumore (Album Version) - Musiq Soulchild

Eric Roberson is another artist. go on youtube. check out Softest Lips, that is my favorite song by him.

but I want you guys to check him out.

Lemme know what ya think

bridge <3

half.birthday

recently discovered that he's cousins with another gorgeous singer. Will from Day26

most of you have probably heard this song countless times just like me. but...

i think i just fell in love... honestly. this is beautiful.

he just sent this song to a whole new level for me. 

peep this:

beautiful days in boston ;]

it's so beautiful outside && i just wish i could be out there.

unfortunately exams are next week. causing reality to hit.

so today i`m inside jamming some new tracks.

first off! download big sean`s mixtape. or you`re a lame!

G.O.O.D. musik ;]

and i`ve been waiting forever for SHAREEFA to come back!

`bout time.... and she brought my friend Ray L. along with her

http://www.zshare.net/audio/591614457a6f4095/

Elise 5000. don`t know too much `bout her

but i`m feelin the sound. she`s a new artist from Georgia...

http://www.limelinx.com/files/93d25cee8b1c514e2aef80a73e034d49#

i love the runners (the producers) here is one of there latest...

Latif is singing on the song.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/59109603f2b16449/

side note:::

so i`m thinking abt buying a dslr camera.... anybody have suggestions?

running with my mistress

as those of you who know me. really know me. you know that I am a long distance runner. 

running was my first catharsis. before poetry. if I needed to clear my head, I hit the track. If my life is a race then I am trudging the unexpected first hill of the 3 mile course in Cross Country. 

Being 1602.3 miles away from home (too far to run back) I have grown and developed as a person. Which is what the "college experience" is supposed to bring. I have gained friends, lost friends, fell in love, fell out of love, learned the different types of love, and especially learned how to appreciate the people i have in my life (at least for the time being). I miss my family dearly and appreciate them 10 times more than I would have if I wasn't so far away. I have an awesome support system that is not immediately close to me but will never fail me in the time of need, and they reassure me of that constantly. Them not being here is what has helped me the most. I have had to stand on my own, fight my own battles, and learn as independently as a foreign exchange student. 

I have also learned to be more real and true to myself. I am all about self-preservation. I realize many people do not support this and that is okay. I do not mean any foul intentions towards you. I just know that i must look out for myself. I must like myself, I must love myself. Because if I don`t, I cannot expect someone else to do the same. My first semester of college, I hit rock bottom, the lowest anyone could go. love... got the best of me. i let things cloud my judgement and become more important to me, than i was to me. Never again. so here I apologize to anyone in my life that I may offend because i am not here to cause harm. but if i don't look out for me who will? After being crushed by a love lost i picked myself up by my boot straps and later met a guy. who at the time rocked my world. inspired me. enlightened me to a new world but reminded me of the one i left behind all at the same time. he had me back in this writing mode. poetry had again became my mistress. my pen slept on her pad a many a nights trying describe my inner turmoil i had not released, my new feelings pushing into my spirit trying to push out the old. oh my mistress held so much truth, so much reality, so much of my life in her womb. some has even been released here on facebook. then i realized, if i am to completely deal with my life i need to share it with someone other than my mistress. so i shared it with him. yes, he listened to my past, just listened. that`s it. i received no response, i was concerned with what to do. i came to the conclusion that he could not support me, he wasn't ready for the reality that only my mistress could handle. i still cared for him ans supported him, and i do to this day. but, time is getting the best of us. its helping us slip away. 

Accidentally one day, I met someone new. yes i know what you're thinking. I am not like that. it just happened to fall in a close sequential order. he is, by far, one of the most caring people i have met. i appreciate the nights he has listened because me and my mistress were having problems. the nights he emotionally held my heart in his hands to protect it, the nights he tried to rescue me from Boston, from loneliness, from harm, from the 3 mile course I was dealt. I applaud him. Our similarities in the beginning have masked our differences. differences are easy to say you accept, but easier said then done in most cases. this distance between us is great but has helped us bond on another level. and skype has become oour best friend. we realize that each day brings us closer...

but recently, I tripped, got up and reality slapped me in the face with a fork in the road at the end of my hill. i have to retract a little from guys. i need to make sure that i will be happy. immediate gratification vs. long term benefits. if i continue with one will i long for the past? i need to make sure i have chosen the right one at the right time. i know emotions are involved which never makes things easy but when i`m confused what can i tell you that will actually help? in reality, not a damn thing. so here as i retract. i take a few steps back from my fork in the road. i think and contemplate. because now my mistress has served her purpose. she can no longer help. i cannot write to her my solution. i must now return to my first catharsis. I will run. i will run `til my legs get weak, `til my mind has tired itself with thoughts on the issue, `til i can come closer to a solution of happiness with no regrets. i`m not expecting immediate results (might not happen until i`m home). because of course this is a long distance race.

<3 bridge. 
out for a jog.

The Roots

I am not a fan of Jimmy Fallon But I think I may soon have to be. I love The Roots. and this was hot. I didn't know Black Truth had it in him. 

After seeing this I have been on my Roots tip all day, of course. Rightfully so I jammed a few of my faves off the Phrenology album. 

Break You Off ft. Musiq

and Complexity ft. Jill Scott

Complexity - The Roots

comfort [incomplete]

Wants to return to that comfort

Tired of sleepless nights

Misses the love of all sorts

Can’t deal with these insomnia fights

The liveliness of kids

Screaming yelling loudly

In my ear

Man I miss that comfort

Cake in my hair

Water balloons thrown at me while im sleeping

Keeping you from killing one another

Kissing you goodbye in the morning

Man I miss that comfort

Football and Basketball games

Acting as if I enjoy cheerleading

Yelling at the television

Re-runs of Charmed at 3 and 4

Man I miss that comfort

Fighting over the remote

Laughing at Maxx

Rushing home to make sure you got off the bus

Taking you to high school sports

Man I miss that comfort

Long rides to familiar faces

Arguing about the visit to dad’s

Eating at the best Mexican restaurant Gringo’s

Learning how to Heely and RipStik

Man I miss that comfort

Baking cookies and eating ice cream

Friday Movie Night

Hanging out waiting on mom to come home

Cooking the same dish over and over

Man I miss that comfort

The big city of Victoria

Family reunions drama and love

Recognizing the young and the old

Wisdom being told in front of my eyes

Man I miss that comfort

History being told and made

As alcohol passes around

Friendships that withstand hurricanes

Hanging out at my house

Man I miss that comfort