Tonight I

So one night... recently I stayed awake for a little introspection. Tis good for the soul. You should try it sometimes. Tonight as I was skyping with my love Chuck-Dee I decided to post this as I listen to him strum beautiful chords in my ear. gnite my dear.

Tonight I lay awake battling myself

Tonight I searched through my soul

To pull out the broken pieces

That include the bullshit I’ve been told

Tonight I write off all the wrongs ever done to me

Tonight I change my mentality

I am no longer the broken battered tattered shard of a girl

Tonight I will decline the mind of my past

I will not let it return

Tonight I pray to God to free me

To unleash the beast

And by beast I mean the things wrapped in these sheets

The layers upon layers that I have surrounded myself with

Tonight I will shed my cocoon

Tonight I refuse to let the inventions of my mind consume my thoughts

Tonight I bring back all the things I have fought

For they have made me

They write my story

Only with history can you move forward into your future

Tonight the future is irrelevant

For my present is what’s significant

Tonight I reflect upon these scraps

Even though I`ve been ripped

You see excuses are just lies with skin on them

Tonight I realize that most of my pain I offered up voluntarily

All the times I let my already broken soul give itself away

Tonight I see that all the other nights I let you take a piece of me

Every single time. I will not blame you

Tonight I realize that I am here for me

Even when I have many supporters

Tonight I see the good times and the bad

Tonight I see where I was going

I am sitting in Park right now

Foot off the gas so I won’t stall.

Tonight I decide I want the sweeter things in life

By that I mean peace

Within myself of course.

Tonight I ponder on where I want to be

As I sit here on my knees quoting John 3:16

Tonight I acknowledge my complexity

Tonight I embrace my individuality

Tonight I want someone to help heal me.

Tonight I question whether the old and new me

Can reside in the same body in harmony

Tonight I cease being the caregiver

Tonight I will stop chasing perfection

Tonight I vow keeping the Lord as my compass

His word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

Tonight I look deep inside

Tonight I encourage introspection

Because only I know the answers to all my inquiries

As my analysis continues I suggest you do the same

You see tonight I start to decipher my legacy

Tonight I have declared my freedom

For tonight I choose to act


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