11.1.10

hardest goodbye

tonight...
4:08 am on Jan. 11th I said my hardest goodbyr
I let go the only guy from my past who would do anything and everything for me.
at the time we were together he went above and beyond to prove how he felt for me.
I cared about him alot as well
then he introduced the word LOVE
me and that word have never really been on friendly terms.

I did what I knew best I let him know my feelings weren't the same. I thought everything was over. But it wasn't for the past few months we kept in contact... More him than me... He still never let me forget how much he loves me.

tonight we got into an argument...
it escalated because I have feelings for someone else who is not him.
so many times I wished I could reciprocate his feelings because it would make my life sooo much easier... But I don't. I'm so scared that karma is going to come get at me for how I've hurt him...

tonight we decided to have a bare all. So I bore all and let him know the things I'd hidden from him, so I wouldn't hurt him.

ultimately I not only hurt him but infuriated him... I have no idea what will happen next but I wish him the best. I also hope that I will find someone else later in life that feels that way for me again... Plz karma I'm sooo sorry.

sometimes I wish my mind and heart would agree then my life would be much easier. Also I hope that hurting him, 3 hours of crying and all is worth it...

g'bye :(

1 comments:

Austin davis said...

Hey Bridget, I saw your post on facebook last night and at 7:00pm I am just as hurt as I was this morning. Iv’e had done everything in my power to show true love and vulnerability towards you. You were the first girl I ever truly cared about and I will always love you no matter what. Unlike other guys I think with my heart and never my mind. I always wonder if I never told you I loved you would we still be together. Never ever say"Goodbye".Even though I may never know what lies ahead with us, from the bottom of my heart I love you and I hope to see you in Boston and hopefully have a face to face talk. With all the hidden situations you kept from me, I still remember these beautiful words you wrote.


"* So over the last few days I have found inspiration. It has been a minute that I have been this inspired and I thank God for my muse. So many words came to mind. This is definitely put together quickly before I run Winnie to the airport. Breaking my writer`s block is the best Spring Break I can ask for.

** This is the first dedication I`ve ever done for a poem but this is for you.





God works in mysterious ways
I have always prayed and praised him for all he does
But today I will say a special prayer
Because, because I was meant to know you
If it all died today
I have realized my likeness
My similarities presented in the opposite gender
In the male form
So I thank God.
I refuse
For this to be a premature abortion
Because you see,
Like Trey Songz
I can’t help but wait
Until that day that I meet you.
Similar to the one I prayed for
The one that will understand me
Accept me at all faults
And better me as a person
You see that, that is who I prayed for
Sounds a lot like you.
I know what drives us apart is physical distance
But mentally I feel like we couldn’t be much closer
Until the next time I talk to you
Then we find another commonality.
This quick pace ain`t really my thing
You see i`m a distance runner
I`m in it for the long run
But I feel like you are too.
You`ve consumed my mind
Infiltrated my soul
Not in a bad way
Just touched unfamiliar places
Ones I thought were buried.
I believe that everyone should
Strive for excellence and not perfection
With you the both seem evident
Maybe I`ll have to alter my saying.
Not ready for that relationship
I need to work on myself
But if you’re who I prayed for
Thank God!
The blessing he is sending me
Requires 110%
Even though over 100 is impossible
Impossible is this feeling
The one of watching the sunrise thinking of you
Thanking God knowing
I was watching the sunset think of you too
Every day brings something new
And one day it will bring me and you
I thank God
For the six degrees of separation
For our circle of friends
For dreams coming true
Mostly I thank God for you.

To be continued."

Although we never continued anything I guess now all i can do is be there and keep my feelings inside.

Although I'm hurt, I'm not pushing you away, all I ever wanted you to understand was the position I was put in last night. I just hope you never push me away as much as you did these past few months.You're worth more than you say you are.... sigh...and well, I guess i'll never know if there will be an "US" again.


Love,

Austin

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